What It Is (posts below left; rate sheet, client list, other stuff below right)

My name is Bob Land. I am a full-time freelance editor and proofreader, and occasional indexer. This blog is my website.

You'll find my rate sheet and client list here, as well as musings on the life of a freelancer; editing, proofreading, and indexing concerns and issues; my ongoing battles with books and production; and the occasional personal revelation.

Feel free to contact me directly with additional questions: landondemand@gmail.com.

Thanks for visiting. Leave me a comment. Come back often.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Haiku Monday: The Long and Short of It

Good Tuesday or later, folks.

We ended up with a nice bit of variety, although it was interesting how many haiku focused on food and beverage. Maybe that’s just a sign of where everyone’s head is. When I first thought of the theme, the denotation of the word that intrigued me was selling short -- profiting through loss, betting on a move to the downside. If I had to offer up a haiku this week, I’d have tried to do something with that. But as the definitions showed, many possibilities were available, and judging from the quality of the entries, I’m glad I was on the sidelines this week.

I do intend to keep this short, by the way. Every entry was quality. As I saw them come in, I thought, There’s a winner, there’s a winner. But when one in particular showed up, I knew where the blue ribbon was going, and subsequent entries didn’t move me off that dime.

The entries:

Karl 1: Gets a prize for working “glyexab” into the verse. There’s poetry in word verification.

Fishy 1–3: “Short bus” is always a metaphor and a euphemism that’s well worth mining. The “short ribs” entry made me wish I was invited to the party.

Karl 2: The long and short of the haiku process made me want to dance the hokey-pokey. Liked the rhythm.

Moi: Glad you found your knight in shining armor. I wish I’d have been there when you were thirteen. Alas, I was ensconced in a boys’ school, years away from thinking any female would ever even cough in my direction. (I’m still amazed when they do.) Eh, I’d have ended up on the trash heap, too. Moi at thirteen. Any of us at thirteen. The mind reels.

Chickory: In full disclosure and true to my profession, I should have given credit where it’s due and noted that the definitions were from Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary (11th edition). There, that feels better. Somewhere back in my blog archives, I have an entry about whether “50 Cent” in an index should be alphabetized under “Fifty” or “Fiddy.” I get, obviously, the Randy Nouvel Homme reference, and I guess Gaga is “born this way.” I don’t know where the Fiddy comes in. When I saw “go, go, go shorty,” I thought a little further back -- to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Glad you’re over the plague. We need you plugging away in the many art realms.

Troll 1: Thanks for giving me a chance to ask my son to translate. I think it sounds better in the original.

Kym 1: Being short might be hard, but I think your stature will result in a longer life. I have always thought that life expectancy was related more to height than gender. Women are shorter; live longer. To wit, Muggsy Bogues has already outlasted Manute Bol. The human body’s not designed for excessive height. There’s a reason you hear “little old man,” and you don’t see a lot of six-foot-three nonagenarians stumbling around.

Troll 2: Thanks again for another gift: a visit to the Thomas Hobbes Liquor Emporium. Only at Haiku Monday.

Kym 2: Nice play on “short.” And I am a Waffle House devotee. Lived for 10 years in Avondale Estates, GA, home of the first and the 1,000th WH. From spending literally hundreds (it may even be thousands) of hours patronizing this fine institution, I can attest that the lives of most of the cooks seem scattered, smothered, and covered indeed. And I have the greatest of admiration for those folks. It takes an amazing mind to do that job correctly -- one that I do not possess.

Foam: Good thing about pints and pint-sized folks. If there’s too many of the former, the descent is much quicker, and likely not as painful.

Fleur: We need to get you out more. Or less. We could rename this one “Fleur and the Angry Inch.” How did you ascertain his exact height? Were you toting your Mickey Rooney cardboard cutout for comparison?

Fishy 4: Nice job on the timely and topical. Blago is that dumb. And corrupt. And arrogant.

Uncle 1–2: In my part of the world, two types of wimmen wear short shorts: Girls who are too young for me to be looking at, and women who damn near take up an aisle by themselves at the Walmart. Both are unfortunate in their own way.

Aunty 1–3: I don’t think I set up any rules this time around, nor did I dangle a prize, now that I think of it. Thanks for getting these in. All are great. Shameless pandering is a time-tested way to a man’s heart (see also Fishy 2, “Short ribs”). I love “six short pants and a PUSH!” And between “myopia” this week and “presbyopia” last week, I’m having a hard time seeing straight. All most clever.

And now, having made a short story long, I’ll bring this review up short with a haiku summation:

Wide-ranging short verse.
To Kymical Reactions
Go this week’s honors . . .

for the Waffle House homage.

As I said, no prize forthcoming from here. You don’t need one. As the father of two sons whom I adore, I can say -- as you already know -- your gift awaits you. Sounds like you’re already enjoying it.

Had a great time, folks. Thanks to Troll et al. for entrusting me with this institution for a week. Back to meet a deadline on which I’ve left myself woefully short on time.



chickory said...

Yay for Kymmie! I too, am a patron of Waffle House known as "Awful House" in our slang, like you, most Atlantans have one within a 10 mile radius. The worlds top seller of steak. The only time to go is if you happen to be up around 3 am. I have always loved the way a waffle house waitress "honey" and "sugars" the shakey patrons slumped over that metal counter in a post partying self-medication of grease. So i concur, that the homage to this fine institution is well deserved.

I use "Fiddy" cause that's what "Fiddy" call heself. and for the record, I despise lady Gaga - i just needed that line.

Thanks for hosting Czar!

darkfoam said...

Congrats to Kym!! I liked the Waffle House haiku (brought back to mind my own 3 a.m. IHOP experiences).
Congrats to you for winning last time and thanks for hosting and doing a fabulous writeup.

moi said...

There were some great entries this time around and I'm glad I woke up in time to comment on the brilliance of Aunty's "short pants and a PUSH." Speaking of knights: Uncle. Right? The man must be a hoot.

Anyway, totally terrific write up, (wish I'd written your short pants observation), and a most excellent choice of winner. Waffle House is a staple for me and S.B. post long runs. Can't beat the waffles or the atmosphere.

Congrats on a most excellent haiku win, Kym!

Anonymous said...

Congrats Kym! Great recap Czar. I thought that might win.

Waffle house on the first day of Deer Season is kind of a tradition amongst the Trollish.

Kym, you have the option of hosting, picking a theme, judging and supplying a prize. Or you can do some or none of the above.

Comment at the Troll Stroll to let me know pronto.

I suspect "Fiddy" uses "Fiddy" because he thinks that's how FIFTY is spelled.


Aunty Belle said...

Oh YES!! Oh yes yes yes....ahem, Aunty noted early on how Kym were mah pick, with edge to the first.

Congratulations Kymster!! (but please go back to the Haikus to read mah late night entry -homage to the birth-to-be. Jes' want ya' to know youse on Aunty's mind, an' we's (heh) gonna git that chile' heah SOON!

@Chick9---we has a date fer the waffle house right? As per yore comment on Grits? All in the interest of verification of yore premise.

@ Moi, Uncle? The man is incorrigible. It's this type, you know, thas' always hangin' around outside the convent door tryin' shanghai some pious wee chile' afore she goes in fer life. He's hopin' she can temper the beast.

@ Troll, The Hobbes allusion--very fine.

great theme, fun recap. Now I need to think on the short-long life equation. Oh dear.

Thanky so much fer hostin' an judgin' a most fun week. Another one fer the books. (heh)

kudos to all--very entertainin.' entries. (whar's BuzzK?)

Karl said...

Good evening Czar,

Congratulations Kym! A well deserved win. I'm looking forward to the topic you come up with for next week. Possibly something to do with an ending and a beginning.

Czar: Thank you sir for hosting, it is always a pleasure to read and comment here.

Word verification; pollsh. Are you trying to tell me something?

Kymical Reactions said...

Gasp! Get out of town! Czar, thank you so much!! I have to give all the credit to the kids down at the WH for whipping up some fried eggs, bacon and pecan waffles. :)

I'll do some serious thinking about a topic and announce it over at Troll's place pretty soon.

Thank you for hosting, excellent write up, and superb judging. :)

czar said...

Well, now it's official. I was afraid the Kymster was boycotting her own victory party.

@karl: Good evening to you, sir. I was at some site yesterday, and the word verification was a very simple, actual word . . . like "plate" or "shrimp." I thought, "How stupid must this computer think I am?"

So, I'd take glyexab and pollsh as compliments of the highest order.

Kymical Reactions said...

Not boycotting! Sometimes just hard for me to get around until I get home from work. I'm still glowing, Czar!

I've announced the new theme over at Troll's place. I opted for choosing the theme and providing a prize to the next winner. I'd love host/judge, but this baby of mine is due to be here any time next week, and I'd hate to commit to hosting/judging when there is a chance I could be busy birthing a child instead.

Anyhow, thank you again, and thank you to all the Waffle House cooks everywhere. :)

Fleurdeleo said...

Congratulations, Kym! Csar, nice job!

fishy said...

First time I came by here to say congrats blogger ate my comments and I am just now getting back by.

Hooray! for Kym. I always like your smart and sassy haikus. This weeks was especially effective. It had a touch of that food "need" that you only experience when you are that pregnant.

@ Aunty, panting and pushing?
Sooooooooooooo very good and timely.

@ Czar .... I hate being redundant but good themes do beget good haiku. Always an entertaining read when I visit here.

czar said...

@Fishy: Glad you reeled yourself back in. Always good to see you here.